Embracing Strong Bonds

I have noticed that the 40s+ are indeed an inflection point in life, often marked by major life events for yourself and those around you. Although I have found much deeper self-awareness and a sense of confidence rooted in the wealth of experiences that I have accumulated over the years, this decade seems to bring with it a unique set of challenges or perhaps for the first time, I am waking up to the challenges all around. It's a time when many are balancing the demands of family life, possibly caring for growing children or aging parents or both, and sometimes facing personal health issues.

The complexity of these responsibilities, alongside navigating life and career, underscores the importance of robust support networks, spanning both personal and professional spheres. In fact, research has shown that social relations are just as important as exercise and diet for a healthy life.  Cultivating and nurturing these relationships is not just a means to manage the decade's challenges; it is a critical component of personal growth and resilience, and I have found that these networks have actually been some of the most critical sources of strength, courage, and fulfillment. As we embrace the need for transformation, we often recognize the need to let some relationships go or lessen their impact on our own well-being. 

This period requires wisdom and patience and the support and understanding from those around us, helping to navigate this pivotal stage of life with stability and insight. There is so much strength in relationships that enable us to build bonds and feel belonging in our own little corner of the world. There are plenty of relationships to be had but mostly there are a few that often guide our path in life love relationships, family relationships, friendships, career relationships, and most importantly our relationship and bond to ourselves. 

Romantic Bonds 

Among the myriad of relationships we navigate in our 40s+, romantic bonds hold a special place. Whether you're single, in a committed partnership, or rediscovering love after a hiatus, romantic relationships, while they can represent pain and challenges for some, are a source of fulfillment, passion, growth, and companionship, particularly as we age.

It's essential to recognize that love in isn't about conforming to societal norms or chasing fleeting ideals. It's about forging connections based on mutual respect, shared values, and a profound understanding of each other's individual journeys and alignment within those. Yes yes we know alignment sounds so clinical like a business strategy but as we look around we recognize when we are in alignment with others, our future goals, our shared values, our shared visions for a future life. If those don’t align, much else wont either. And so these romantic bonds can offer such a sense of belonging, safety, comfort that complements and enriches our lives.

Family Bonds

Without a doubt we have all experienced family bonds - in fact it is likely we have experienced the entire spectrum of what those are and represent in our lives. While for some women in their 40s, parenting might be a central aspect, it's important to recognize that many women either choose to be child-free or may not have the option. In either scenario, the fabric of family connections extends beyond just parent-child relationships.  Family bonds provide a unique sense of belonging (or not) and facets in shaping our identity. It has the power to connect us to our roots, culture, and traditions, grounding us in a sense of personal history. 

These relationships with our grandparents, or extended family, are equally enriching and fulfilling. They allow us to take on diverse roles – as mentors to younger family members, confidantes to siblings, or even as the family historian, preserving and passing down cherished stories and traditions. Each bond, whether by blood or chosen with love, contributes to our sense of belonging and shapes our journey. I think in our lives we have different points in inflection where we recognize the deep value of our familial relationships, and how the experiences we have here shapes us. And as we approach these mid life years and decades, I believe our understanding and need for familial connections becomes clearer in how it shaped or could shape or didnt shape our lives. These bonds can be powerful and ultimately do provide that strength to help us adapt in different times, and be those foundational pillars of our lives. 

The Power of Friendship 

A personal network of friends is the anchor that holds us together - they are the chosen family. Whether it's sharing secrets, sharing laughs, or simply sharing a glass of wine, your friendships are your lifelines. I know for my own life i have truly cherished the bonds I have developed through old and new friends, and the communities that have been built from those friendships. They are truly irreplaceable - supporting moves, breakups, childcare, loss, and always good laughs.  

In fact studies indicate that robust personal relationships are vital for overall belonging and well-being, and are a key representation of ones happiness. Data from 148 studies have shown that people with stronger social connections are 50% more likely to survive! From providing emotional support, shared experiences, advisory services, even stress relief and laughter - the role of a friend or a friend group is so many. 

Why Professional Bonds Matter 

Professional bonds and friendships go beyond mere work-related interactions. They offer opportunities to connect with like-minded individuals who share ones passions, challenges, and ambitions, and can often be attributed to longevity and financial well being. These connections can evolve into significant relationships that contribute to a sense of belonging and purpose, which are key components of happiness. Interestingly, a Harvard Business Review study shows that strong professional networks significantly boost the likelihood of women attaining leadership roles. Therefore, actively engaging with your professional community, whether through networking events or revitalizing your LinkedIn presence, is not just a career strategy, but a psychological and physical pathway to a more connected, fulfilling, and happier life.

Letting Go to Move Forward

As we embrace the need for transformation, we often recognize the necessity of letting go of certain relationships that no longer serve our well-being and our path. This recognition evolves from our own  self-awareness and commitment to our growth as an individual. In some instances, it might entail distancing ourselves from toxic friendships or reevaluating professional connections that no longer align with our goals.

Letting go can be challenging, but it's a vital step in creating space for new, healthier bonds to flourish. Ultimately its not about volume of bonds but the quality of those bonds that define us. In fact Oxford evolutionary psychologist Robin Dunbar states that there is a relative number called the Dunbar number of 150 relationships as the ideal (understandably there is variance here).  Pruning our network of relationships is a necessary activity as we ourselves evolve and grow, consider it   an act of self-care and self-preservation that allows us to channel our energies toward relationships that truly support our well-being and personal development.

Most important bond of all - With Ourselves 

But lets not forget the most important bond and relationship that us as women in our 40s plus need to focus on. The relationship with ourselves. Balancing work, family, and personal aspirations can feel like a constant juggling act. When we do not nurture our relationship with ourselves, we may often lose ourselves in that juggle.  Whether it's yoga, meditation, nature walks,  or the simple pleasure of reading a good book, time for yourself and with yourself should never be underestimated. A report by the World Health Organization highlights the importance of self-care in maintaining physical and mental health.. Our own understanding of ourselves also provides us the knowledge and space to forge even stronger relationships with those around us from lovers, to family, to colleagues, to friends. Ultimately we have to start with ourselves. 

As I journey through my  40s, I feel the draw to being in community. The power in being held, supported, and contributing back to that community or multiple communities is a big factor of what I have explored in the past several years. Whether it's in finding understanding among professional peers (who have become dear friends) or solace within family, or deep connections with our chosen family, the sense of belonging offers immense comfort and healing.

This is a friendly reminder to surround yourself with supportive friends, cultivate professional relationships, nurture your family bonds, practice self-care, and never underestimate the power of community. And lets feel into our years through these diverse connections.  As Maya Angelou once said, "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."